Emotional abuse and letting go.

I am not going to delve into much detail in this post. I think the more detail this post has, the more triggering it can be for someone with similar experiences. I think that’s important (for me) to remember when I write about things that have affected me in a negative way. On one hand it can have a profound impact on someone’s current or past circumstances, on the other hand, it can remind them of the trauma they have experienced and be a trigger. I never want to be responsible for the latter. (In saying that, I do want to provide context when explaining things.)

When we talk about abuse, we don’t always talk about emotional abuse. I feel like there is still a social stigma around this. And although there is more awareness now, there is still a lack of awareness for what it is and the trauma it causes.

I am not perfect. And as I pride myself on self-awareness, I know that I have made some really big mistakes when it comes to relationships. I have lied, I have said things I shouldn’t have and I have been demanding. When I look back on a past relationship, a lot of the time I can see my faults. In my mind I can almost go back to the day and time of day of my mistake and if I could rewrite the script to avoid hurt for the other person I would. I think its normal to feel this way, healthy even, to want to treat people with respect and ensure that whatever I do I don’t cause another person any pain (even though sometimes that is unavoidable).

@NARCANDEMPATH

Emotional abuse causes psychological pain. And I don’t think the abuser stays up at night wishing they could go back in time and undo their behaviour to protect the one they love from any suffering. In fact in my case, I’m almost convinced they wouldn’t give their behaviour another thought. Sometimes they didn’t even have to use words or actions to emotionally abuse. Sometimes it was the silent treatment that gave them ultimate control. The thing about the silent treatment is that it is a mass form of manipulation, essentially denying the other persons existence as a form of punishment. For me, they would wait until I gave up trying to make things right. They would wait until they hadn’t heard from me for a while, they would wait until their ‘silent treatment’ worked. But sometimes this would last months and each time my mind would go bonkers. I would constantly re-trace my steps, and try to figure out where I went wrong. I felt completely powerless. It wouldn’t matter what I said, how I said it, it wouldn’t matter if it was in the form of a letter or a text, I would get no response. Experiencing this type of abuse numerous times has affected me well into present day. I am still re-training my mind to learn boundaries and the reality that we do not control people. That every person has the right to not respond to a text message, an email, not answer a phone call and when they ‘behave’ this way, it is not a form of punishment at all and has nothing to do with me.

You know, at times I was shocked that I could be in love with someone who would say hurtful things to me, hurtful things about my family, but then cook me a nice meal. Someone who could say hurtful things about me behind my back but then tell me how much they appreciated me. I was shocked when they would yell at me, scream in my face, or tell me to get out of their house, but then apologise and praise me for always being there for them. I was shocked when they would remind me how to behave or compare me to other women. The thing is, I would defend myself. Defend my family. I would yell back. I would ask nicely not to be compared to others. I would explain how things made me feel. I would ask nicely if we could approach things differently. But an emotional abuser has an award winning talent in gas-lighting. And when you are told enough times that you are ‘crazy’ or ‘being ridiculous’ or ‘that never happened’ you really start to believe it and you start questioning yourself not them.

Telling someone you love them while treating them like shit … is abuse.

@poetsandwriters

People don’t really talk about the pain that comes with letting go. Letting go of an idea of someone – a person you built up in your head for so many years. Letting go of an idea of love, the idea of a romantic relationship, the idea of a future together. Letting go of all the good memories you had together. Sometimes love is forgotten after all of the pain endured. Sometimes all the good things a person has said and done, all the good memories you had together and everything you thought you would be together … just dies when the abuse continues. Sometimes all you are left with is trauma. But other times love is the only thing getting you through. Personally, I chose to rename the love as co-dependency. From a young age I had a beautiful representation of love in front of me and I knew that what I was experiencing was no longer love. The more I renamed it, the easier it was for me to make decisions for my future. I didn’t want this person to destroy my idea of love. I didn’t want this hurt to shape my future relationships.

But when I would tell close friends that I am letting go, that I am moving away, that I am going no contact, that I have blocked this persons number, social accounts, that I am starting fresh. It was so easy for them to say ‘YAY’, and so easy for me to then doubt the process. Because it wasn’t ‘YAY’ it was heart breaking. My body hurt and my eyes would well up, my throat would ache and I just wanted to scream. Letting go is a process. It isn’t as easy as lighting a candle that smells like sandalwood or diffusing essential oils that smell like lavender and saying a prayer. It’s not as easy as just saying daily affirmations and exercising and keeping busy. It’s not as easy as eating healthy and making sure to exfoliate your skin to feel good about yourself physically. It’s not as easy as finding someone new and saying ‘YAY’.

It’s constantly sitting with your pain, crying, and telling yourself you are doing the right thing for your future. It’s constantly unblocking them on social media and blocking them again until you have the courage to promise yourself they will remain blocked. It’s being brave enough not to go back to what became so normal for you. It’s reading self help books and holding on to the words like gospel. It’s seeing a therapist time and time again and not speaking about the one thing you went there for. It’s learning to believe in yourself, quite literally though, believing that the words that come out of your mouth are true. It’s learning to have faith in yourself. It’s allowing pain to slowly leave you, allowing yourself to cry and then cry a little less. It’s learning how to set goals again and achieve them one by one. It’s learning the difference between connection and attachment. It’s re- naming, re-training, re-learning, re-thinking, re-loving yourself. and letting go. Letting go is so hard.

@justalittlebitofpositivity

This post has no ending. I don’t know how to finish it. My experience is far from unique. The mental health consequences I have sustained as a result is minimal compared to the trauma other people have endured. When I look back over those years, some friends would try and reason with me. They would try and explain what was happening right in front of me in hope that an intervention would encourage me to walk away and start fresh. But it wasn’t until I gave myself permission to leave, that I actually did. It was when I realised I wanted more and possibly deserved more that I walked away.

Ef xx

Let’s talk about it baby

TW: sexual experiences, dry spells, masturbation.

I know that no one really ever talks about their lack of sex. I mean, your friends might say ‘omg its been like 3 weeks since I’ve had sex’ …and for some reason this dry spell has negative connotations. So when someone goes without sex for A LOT longer than that we just don’t know …because we don’t talk about it. But why not? Sex is such an important part of our lives so why aren’t we having conversations about why …we …aren’t…getting …any…

I’ll go first. From age 17 to a couple of years ago I thought my sex life was pretty healthy. I mean, the people I was having sex with weren’t always the most healthy people to have in my life and some were a little toxic but my attitude towards sex and how it benefited me was positive. and then something changed. I think I came to a point where I started to find my feet and ground myself a little you know? I stopped chasing ‘feeling good’. I started to practice the art of just sitting with my feelings but then this led to reflecting. The thing about reflecting is it can bring up a whole lotta crap if you dwell long enough. I reflected on some really shit past sexual experiences, ones that I think may have shaped (or at least helped shape) my poor self-image and self-worth. And it was like a switch…one day I had feelings of confidence, I felt ‘sexy’ and shameless then the next day I felt violated, fragile and my confidence sunk deep into my stomach. I guess after that I became closed off. I was always somewhat a private person but this was different. It was as if closing myself off and becoming emotionally and sexually unavailable… gave me back control. Yes, I was restricting people’s access to me and yes I have every right to do that. But it just makes me sad the way it played out.

Anyway, that’s the back story. I guess my experiences affected how I feel about sex, what it means to me, and how i’ll approach it moving forward. Learning to take care of my needs, accept myself and love myself has been a massive theme this year. I feel like it’s been a running theme for a while now but I’ve been putting in the work in 2020. So in saying that, there’s a few things that contribute to how I’ve been thriving.

Masturbation. I cannot stress this enough, masturbation is a fun time. I was recently reading a post on Insta that asked women why they don’t masturbate. Responses came in such as ‘I can’t be bothered peeing afterwards’ and ‘I live with my parents so it’s awkward’ and ‘I get sad that I am all alone, I would rather just not be reminded of that’ and ‘It’s triggering for me’. I think all of these responses are relatable on some level. I’ve always been one to get myself off just never so much since I haven’t had a sexual partner. Masturbation requires no justification BUT I’m in this habit now of doing it either when I wake up or before I go to sleep at night (ps. not every single day, no) because 1) it feels good, but 2) building a strong relationship with myself is number-one. Understanding what I like and don’t like, what feels good, what really doesn’t, what positions I like, what kind of hurts, is important to me. I get there’s only so much you can do alone but when you’re with someone else it’s not just about you… in-fact from past experiences it’s hardly ever been about me and I think that’s why this is so essential to me. Also sex toys. I do find spending that little extra on a vibrator, like a silent one to take away any awkwardness if other people are home, a water proof one to use in the shower, one that I really love the feel/ look of… makes a big difference. Also the thing about a vibrator is that it genuinely takes pressure off your body. I mean maybe some people like feeling as though they are doing an ab workout while masturbating but I personally cba.

So exercise became a massive way for me to get that similar high. Honestly exercise releases endorphins for real… I started off a while ago with weight training and then moved onto power lifting, but tbf I wasn’t getting that mental clarity I needed after a session. If I’m doing it for my mental health then I want to feel mentally good afterwards (not in physical pain thanks). So I moved onto cardio sessions and it clears my head so much. I feel ‘happiness’ afterwards, like actual joy.

One more thing, SKYPE SEX is still a real thing babe. Or face-time or zoom or snapchat or whatever. When there’s something stopping you from physically having sex with someone (be it fear of intimacy, past sexual experiences or Covid-19 etc…) video sex is so helpful. I met a guy at the gym last year (and who knows what is going on with us, that is a story for another post) but during Covid lock-down we spent a lot of time having video sex. And I won’t lie, this whole set up really worked for me. I mean, we didn’t really have a choice because of the virus but we could pleasure each other without being in bed together. Different but fun.

I don’t think I have much more to say but I know sex is important to a lot of us, so when there is a lack thereof.. it can be really upsetting.

Here’s to the process ❤️

Ef xx

Thirty

It’s been over a year and a half since a post has been published on here so thank you for reading <3.

@positivelysparkly

When this blog first began I was 27 years old, nearly 28. Which inspired the reason for this site because I was turning ’28’, apparently that was HUGE to me back then. So much time has passed and passed quicker than usual, I turn 30 next month. I promise not to write a long list of all the things I’ve learnt up till now (maybe), or to give some long lecture on how to live life in your 20’s. To be honest – aside from this eye twitch I get whenever I’m on the screen too long, there is nothing about me that feels 30 years old. I am starting to realise that age really is just a number and timing is everything.

I got into the habit of telling people I am a lot younger (appropriately younger) than I actually am whenever they would ask my age and not because I genuinely look like I am 23 years but because when you are pushing 30 other questions follow.
‘OOO are you married??’… ‘Do you have children?’ …‘What do you do for work?’… ‘Where do you live?’ And when your questions fail their standards of a 30 year old, they want to fix it. ‘WeLl We nEeD tO FiNd yOu a PaRtNeR AsAp’ or ‘oh dear YOUR body clock is ticking!’ or ‘oh…so you’re a MATURE AGE student? BRAVE!’ And then there’s the other people (you know the nice ones) that say ‘oh WOWSERS you look so amazing for 30, like soooooooo amazinggggg!!!’ As if at 30 they expect you to suddenly get wrinkles and sagging eye lids? what…is …that? And friends are not excused, once they find themselves in their dream job or find their life partner or fall pregnant its always ‘You’re next babe!!’ with a wink.

The thing is I get these overwhelming feelings of failure on my worst days and they are usually triggered by people with the best intentions saying things like the above, or triggered by my mind creating competition with people I don’t even know on social.

A year ago I started seeing a therapist (like consistently) and in my first session I remember saying ‘I just want to make sure there is nothing wrong with me, like I need you to tell me that I will be OK …’ I guess I have struggled for years with how old I am and where I’m at in life compared to others my age. It’s no lie that a lot, if not all of the kids I grew up with in school are married with children now, are in a successful career now, own property and dont shy from flaunting their achievements on social. From the outside others seem to ‘have it together’. I just needed someone to tell me that the path I am on is just as important or just as post worthy. Then again, that’s the devil inside SM, you become an illusionist, you can portray only the best side of your life if you want to – you can quite literally filter out the rest. On one hand, it’s good because your life behind the screen is nobodies business. But the power one session of lurking false realities on Instagram has…is scary. And please tell me it’s not just me because I know I am not the only one that spends an hour looking through story after story and slowly feel my mental health go from 97 to 7 real quick. But that’s the thing I was reminded of that day in therapy, like who am I to say those perfect profiles don’t have struggles behind the screen and to think their lives are picturesque compared to mine? but its not only that, its more than that right? like lets say some people genuinely have it all… timing is everything.

@DaylightIllustrations

I spent my late teens and most of my 20’s having fun. I didn’t think about my future self, I was living in the moment. I mean, for five years I was living overseas and I knew that had to come to an end at some point but I really had no plans for when I returned, even when I came back home it took me a couple of years to find my feet again. And still, I can’t say I wish I did things differently. I don’t wish I settled down earlier. I had so much fun, some days I still think of summer 2014, it was– the best summer of my life. Of course with fun and games comes heart ache and debt and loss and grief and pain, I get that, but so does marriage, babies, careers and success. Like we may all be 30 now and some may have their dream lives but no one is exempt from the struggle. You know?

What A Time To Be Alone’ by Chidera Eggerue

I recently went away with my parents for a few nights to stay near the beach and as I was practicing gratitude, I felt like…I have everything I could possibly ever want, right here, right now. I have my family, my health, I have good friends and my goals, my motivation and drive. I have my self and she’s on my side not only that but I love who she is becoming. These feelings of failure may be triggered by what other people say or what other people post and maybe it’s always going to be my battle but at the end of the day I have to own my life, my choices and where I am now.

Anyway, I promised not to lecture so here is my pre-birthday vent … to 30 yeah? ❤

Ef xo

Alarm Clock

Do you ever feel like an internal alarm has gone off in your brain and suddenly things need to happen?

Recently I have been feeling this overwhelming desire to be a wife, don’t ask me where it came from it has just started. I have wonderful parents who have been married for over 30 years, they are great role models for marriage to me, but I have never ever felt a need to be married. I always viewed marriage as a piece of paper that was the only thing separating the married from unmarried couples… but now it’s as if a switch in my brain has gone off and I want it. Now for starters I am aware that you need to have a willing participant to join you in the marriage and from what I hear it takes a lot of work….

I have heard that we as females (and males too) do get that desire to have a baby. A lot of my friends are currently feeling that alarm clock go off. It makes me think are some of us programmed to want marriage and babies?

I was recently speaking to a male friend of mine whose just turned 40, I asked him if he thinks about marriage. To be honest, being a male I expected him to say no but he surprised me and said, ‘More than I care to admit’. With that response I thought, shit…. maybe we are all thinking about it. He is single and doesn’t have any children, we spoke about his desire to have a wife and children but he is facing the reality that it may not happen for him.

I know in our society we always think it’s the women who want these things, that we have this ticking clock and then we become ‘clucky’. Urgh I detest that word, I think it is really disgusting when you show the slightest interest in a child and people say ‘oh watch out, someone’s clucky’ – like no, fuck off Lynn, I am not! I am holding my nephew who I helped scoop his poo out of the bath the day before so I am good thanks. (that is a true story by the way, it stank rank, but I love that kid).

Anyway as I was saying, do we have an inbuilt desire for things we never really thought we wanted? Is it due to growth, love, loneliness, impatience, security…what makes it go off? I know for me it just hit me one day and I thought ‘Oh, how I would love to be a wife’ and don’t worry I am not going to advertise that to every man I know ….because I am sure that really attracts them… they are very quick to call us ‘crazy’ aren’t they.

I guess it just makes me think that we are all going through life and some of us are facing the reality of wanting things, which we might really want but it might not be in our control to have. It makes me wonder if we all have an inbuilt alarm clock that goes off inside of us, perfectly suited for each and every one of us, and then we start living our life accordingly. All of our thoughts are then a result of this alarm clock that went off say 4 months ago saying ‘time to find a husband or time to have baby number one’.

I think – nothing stays the same and life changes, but let’s change in the direction we want it to go. It might not be on everybody else’s time but it’s on ours and that’s OK. So when you feel that alarm clock going off it’s OK, you don’t have to spring up and frantically run around…you can just notice it, acknowledge it’s going off, but don’t let it consume you. Keep making choices to take steps in the directions you want to go.

G.S xx

Feeling Myself

I am naturally a bit of a loner, don’t get me wrong, I love my social time and boy do I thrive in it. There can be nothing better sometimes than to just spend time with a group and enjoy conversations and some laughs. But lately I have retreated a little more into my shell, I am not sure if it is because I have some big things happening on the horizon and maybe my way to process this is to just lock myself away and spend some time by myself. I found myself home alone one Saturday morning (and in my house that is a rarity). The house was quiet and I didn’t have anything to do so I thought, I know what I will do…watch porn without headphones in or on mute! I know female masturbation is a bit of taboo (apparently we don’t do it!) But I spent a good amount of time tending to my needs and fuck it was amazing! I was feeling a little melancholy pre masturbation but post masturbation I was feeling like I was floating and I did that all by myself!!! BOSS BITCH!!..

Earlier in the week I had a conversation with my Mum and sister about when my parents had ‘the talk’ with us and how it was different to the one they gave my brother. How they spoke about masturbation to him and that it was completely normal but they never mentioned it on our talks. Sure, this probably wasn’t unlike a lot of other parents when they gave the talk to their daughters. My sister said that she thought it was so wrong and spent so many years thinking it was a bad thing to do and that somehow someone would find out and she would get into trouble. I on the other hand naturally figured it out by myself (we didn’t have smart phones) and I remember thinking I had discovered this amazing thing that made me feel really happy.

We live in a society now where everyone has access to everything, we grow up faster than we ever did generations before us. But why in 2019 is female masturbation not really something that is brought up? I mean I have seen a few things here and there on various blogs or articles, but it’s not as main stream as male masturbation. It is such a natural act and yet many women keep it a secret, like it is something that’s dirty or wrong.

I remember when I stumbled upon a great T.V show Broad City and they were doing it and talking about it and I was in my early twenties thinking YES!! This is the shit we need to see and it not being sexualised but just a natural act that we as women engage in, just like men do and it’s perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed about.

I think as females we can tend to feel a bit like objects when it comes to sex but we need to turn that and be proud to be strong females who masturbate and we don’t need another person to engage in that with us (not all the time at least) but we can use masturbation as a way of reconnecting with ourselves. We have the power whether be by our own hands or the help of devices, we can make ourselves orgasm and I think we should be so fucking proud of ourselves that we can do that! Masturbation is a gift and we should embrace it and experiment with it!

Happy masturbating

G.S xx

Disclaimer – Only positive comments will be approved. Our blog is a safe place and all negative comments will be ignored. xx

Moody Baby

Let’s talk about moods baby….

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Until recently I considered myself to be pretty level in my moods. Yes, I have my up and down moments but don’t we all…

If you ask my parents they would say that I am a bit of a short tempered little fire cracker. I once broke my toe kicking a bed frame in the heat of frustration (I told people it was because I dropped a weight on it at the gym). One particular person I dated described me as a hurricane….so you get the idea.

Like a lot of people, I have been in and out of various depressive states in my life, as you would you know, I am very open about my struggle with mental health. But recently I have noticed that I have been up and down like a yoyo, happy and enjoying life then hitting the depths of despair and feeling like I couldn’t see where in life I was heading.

Its is no particular point of my life that I am worried about, I am feeling like I am cruising along at a good pace right now. For example – I have my goals I want to achieve and each day to day seems to be going well. So what’s the deal with my moods?

At first I thought it was because I wasn’t getting my usual 8-9 hours of sleep a night… Virgos love their sleep and its best for all involved that you stay away from me if you know that I haven’t had that 8-9 the night before.

Naturally, when I was in day 5 of the cloudy mental health haze, I was worried – was this going to be hanging around for long? What has caused it? Sleep, work, hormones… the list could go on.

So I decided that I was going to keep a little journal to monitor my moods during the day, nothing too in depth or tedious. But on the hour I would set an alarm to go off to take my little break from the computer and check in with how I felt at that time and what mood I was in. Obviously apart from tired and no doubt hungry, I noted down how I was feeling. I did this for an entire week, noting down what about that day had made me upset or happy etc. I really got an insight into just how much my mood changes over the course of a day. I highly recommend this, it helps to pin point triggers, and keeping a time line like this also helps you to be more aware of yourself. We don’t check in with ourselves enough and really ask ourselves how we are feeling and why.

Anyway – In the past I would have worried and thought people would think I was so moody and tried to maintain an upbeat demeanour, hiding behind a mask of fake bullshit happy. But I have since learnt that I really couldn’t give a fuck what people think and I will carry on being the moody strong bitch I am.

Since when did we all have to be walking around feeling great about everything? Why can’t we sometimes just not have a smile on our face? Or why cant we just feel flat and angry about something? We are human! We have the ability to experience a lot of different emotions. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and sometimes it’s not just one thing that brings on a mood. So let’s not beat ourselves up if we aren’t always feeling happy. In the down times it really makes you appreciate the good times.

That being said if you are experiencing depression or anxiety and it is crippling your life, it is really important to seek help from someone you trust and feel comfortable with. I know myself it is a bitch having to go through psychologist/psychiatrist and telling them your story only for you to not like them or their approach doesn’t gel with you but it definitely helps to unload that heaviness.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing depression, you can seek help

https://www.lifeline.org.au/

Talk soon, G.S xx

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Thank u, next

All I can say about 2018 is ‘thank you, next’. I literally spent the night of NYE at home, being super lazy around the house and not a care in the world that I was asleep before 10pm. #goals

This year is going to be the year I quite literally shake the ground from under me. I mean, why do people hate so much on new year resolutions? If someone wants to better themselves isn’t that a good thing?

In 2017, I was so incredibly dumb and I definitely paid the price for it last year. But lessons have been learnt and mistakes won’t be repeated. So I’m using the next couple of days to decide what no longer feeds my soul and let it go. No. 1) Officially letting go of drama and toxic negativity and filling those empty spaces with new beginnings and healthy energy.

Because I don’t know about you but just this period between 25 and 30 has me so caught up. They’ve been the most anxiety driven years of my life. Obviously not speaking for the next two years but so far I’ve seriously spent so much of my time in a panic bubble. I worry about my future, my goals, a partner, success, a house, kids, finances, my parents getting old, my health, my friends health, my alarm going off, the fine lines under my eyes. It’s not so much about what people think of me anymore – it’s so much more than that. And It’s so easy to fall into a state of depression and anxiety when your mind is constantly burdened with worry about things that are out of your control in the present moment.

But I’ve decided 2019 is my year.

I’ve been a dumb, sad bitch – honestly. And when I list off all the things my life can do without, it makes me wonder how I ever functioned with them in it.

Letting go of the following in 2019:

– Trying to please everyone

– Sacrificing my happiness for others – like all the time though

– Self doubt

– Caring what others think

– Living in the past

– Toxic people

– Negative self talk

– Bad sleeping patterns

– Thinking I’m not enough

– Comparing myself to others appearance or success

– Fearing change

I could build a longer resolutions list but we would be here all day. I could add a list of all the physical changes I would love to make, all the wardrobe and styling changes, the home decor changes and at the end, write how I refuse to do anything other than my very best in whatever studies or work 2019 brings me. But that’s all irrelevant to this post- my goal this year is to fall back in love with myself, in love with the world and life again. I feel like this list is almost essential in playing a role in that.

So with that being said…..

We hope the next 12 months for you are full and you never feel empty inside. We hope good things happen for you and life is never dull or stale.

We hope you find the courage to make every day mean something. We hope you remember that even if you’re not perfect it doesn’t mean you’re not important.

We hope your year has begun on a good note and you are feeling loved.

Happy 2019 ❤️

G.S & Ef xx

Forgiveness <3

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‘We dont get to choose what is done to us, we do however get to choose how long it is done to us’

I’ve had to do a little forgiving recently, sometimes I feel like I’m always doing a little forgiving but this time it was next level. I had to first forgive myself and then forgive some people without ever receiving any form of an apology from them.

Quick thing about forgiveness: It frees our mind and spirit. It’s healing for our body. It puts the power back in our hands. It creates a peace of mind and It gives us back control over our thoughts.

So I had to re-connect with a part of myself I’ve been avoiding for a long time.
They say in order to be free, you must first forgive yourself and then forgive others. I found that hard to do. It was draining. Draining forgiving myself and draining forgiving people I’ve had deep anger towards for a long time.
I feel like some people think forgiveness might be easy- and for some, maybe it is. Just like saying, ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I love you’ the words may roll off the tongue with such importance and likewise the words ‘I forgive you’ may hold just as much power.
But for me….not so much. There’s always a thought process, ‘why am I sorry? why are they sorry? .. are our actions proving so? whats the next step?’
So just the same for forgiveness, it requires work, this time though – a shit load of work. And a whole lot of questions that needed to be answered but only I could answer them and a lot were left unanswered. I was throwing around positive affirmations like they were spells and I went on a massive cull.

Unfortunately I’m only human, forgiveness is not forgetting. It doesn’t matter how many hours I work, books I read, how much music I listen too, forgiveness is not forgetting.
But with every flashback, I feel a little stronger. I have more respect for myself. I’m no longer angry at what anyone has done, they’ve shown me what I need to know. And God damn my standards have been raised.

What’s that quote? ‘If you expect nothing from anyone, you’ll never be disappointed’
Fuck that- when did we all stop expecting, I expect so much more.
It only takes one person to come into your life and treat you like a qween for you to realise that everyone else was so so wrong. The standards need to be re-evaluated and set higher.

Forgive yourself, forgive them and then raise the bar so damn high because you deserve nothing less.

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Ef xx

Disclaimer – Only positive comments will be approved. Our blog is a safe place and all negative comments will be ignored. xx

Boundaries, Connection, Balance

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I have to be honest with you, I’ve been running on empty.  And I dont mean I’ve been surviving on little sleep each day – I mean that by the time bed time comes around again, I have to remind myself ‘a good nights sleep’ is the one thing that will get me through another day. Running.On.Empty.
Sometimes we need more than a good sleep each night to get us through a busy week. Sometimes a good nights sleep just doesn’t cut it.

I remember when I was in my early 20’s I could survive on very little sleep, every single day was exciting and every night was even more exciting than the last. I didn’t mind getting little sleep each night, in-fact I was prone to taking quick naps during my lunch break so I would have more energy to enjoy my night. I didn’t run on empty. My life was fascinating. I was running on whatever fuelled my soul. Now at 28? not so much.
Is it that I’m getting older or has life become a disappointment? I’m not sure, but that’s for another post.IMG_9748But the one thing I do know – I can be very ‘all or nothing’. You know those people who are ‘all work’ and no play or they are ‘all play’ and no work. They either save every cent they earn or they go on a spending binge until they have nothing left. One month they’re claiming to be a sugar addict and the next they’re on a strict sugar free diet……All or Nothing – that’s me. Hi.

Being the ‘all or nothing’ type person I am, I recently tried to set some boundaries in my life. I felt like there wasn’t enough time in the day to achieve what I needed to achieve. I decided to go on a massive cull and remove my social life, my down time and any other distractions from my planner and just focus on what needs to be done.
Bad mistake.
I was already running a little low. My soul was already starting to feel a little disconnected and my days were already getting that little bit too repetitive and THEN I decided to make it worse by removing break time and replacing it with work time.
IMG_9750So- setting harsh boundaries for myself lasted as much as a few days before it became quite clear to me that I needed more. I needed balance. A balance of everything that needs to be done, something to look forward to, and some downtime.
I love the Virgo in me. But the one thing a Virgo needs to be reminded of is – self care.
You can’t really expect to be performing as your best self if you aren’t first taking care of yourself. And taking care of yourself includes a mix of social time and down time…. believe it or not.  Connecting with others and then reconnecting with yourself.
But away from work, away from study. Away from the mundane routine of life that we all have to be apart of every single day. And at the same time setting some damn boundaries. I know … WTF. But when I thought about it some more it was quite simple.

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So downtime isn’t exactly binging on Netflix for 8 hours if it means you get behind on your studies. Rather fitting in a couple of hours to catch up on an episode or two in-between study sessions. It doesn’t mean going on a bender for a weekend and getting run down, rather a night out a month- away from all responsibilities to let your hair out.
It doesn’t mean ALWAYS saying no and it doesn’t mean ALWAYS say yes. Its finding a balance that works for you. Setting boundaries that feel right to you.
Staying connected and then reconnecting with yourself.

AND can I just say that sleep is GREAT.  9 hours of sleep each night really helps to get me through another day for sure. But there’s got to be more to life than just work, study, eat, sleep and repeat. Looking forward to bed time, is that a good sign? At 28?
I mean when I was 24 I could think of nothing worse, I just wanted to embrace my life.
There’s got to be a life to look forward to after work, between study sessions, after dinner and when you wake up in the morning.
Sleep shouldn’t be the one thing that keeps you going. Your life should.

Ef xx
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Whats the damn rush?

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In the lead up to turning 28 this year, I had my usual pre-birthday anxiety. For some reason I will go ‘all out’ for other peoples birthdays, but when it comes to mine…I am really not a fan. During the lead up I was thinking, ‘Oh my god…28 is proper adult age, isn’t this the age im meant to have my shit together!!?!?!!’
My family kept asking what I had planned for it and honestly, the more low key the better! So the days got closer and I was growing more anxious because this meant I was ageing and this was the oldest I had ever been and I was no longer in the cute ‘mid-twenties’ bracket I was officially in my ‘late-twenties’. My family and friends were walking on egg shells around me and honestly I just didn’t know how to cope with turning this one year older.

When the day finally arrived, I actually didn’t care. For the first time in years I actually didn’t care about turning another year older. Being 28, I feel really good. I had to remind myself that, mentally I am in the best frame of mind I have ever been in and physically I feel better than what I did at 18 years old. So you know what? I am embracing ageing. I dont know why I’ve experienced this shift in mindset but I think that im growing more mature and less bothered about giving a shit about things I dont need to.

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The hands of time will keep moving, it will drag you kicking and screaming and you have no choice but to go along for the ride.

Who says that by this age I should be engaged? or even thinking of getting engaged if I had a serious partner of 2.5 years. Who says that I should be pumping out some babies or at least be thinking about pregnancy (OR at the very least be coming off my birth control). Who says that I should be in a proper ‘stable’ career and not at Uni as a mature age student? Who says I should be investing in my first home or even saving for one? Honestly who? … Cause if I find them I will politely tell them to mind their own god damn business.

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I am 28 and I am working on my own timeline, the one that I have set for me. You want to know whats at the top of my list? 1) Being happy with myself, finding out who I am and what I like and the things I want to put my energy into.
I am in no rush to settle down to the standards of what society thinks we should all be doing as we get older.

In saying that, if you want to get engaged, married, start having babies and buying houses – then all power to you ! But everyone needs to start doing them and stop worrying about what other people are doing. Don’t rain on my parade.

We all get to where we need to go in the end, so why the rush?

G.S xx

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