So, I met this guy recently and for a moment I thought things could be turning around for me. We enjoyed a week of back and forth messaging and he seemed super keen, so naturally we got off tinder and exchanged numbers. I’ll admit he was lovely, super sweet, a little shy and most importantly he had a beard – I love a man with a beard.
We went on our first date and it was great, a coffee date turned into dinner date and I was left feeling really positive. Finally a date with someone who I was attracted to, someone I could laugh with and someone who didn’t come on too strong.
Cut to a week later and my overthinking Virgo brain went into overdrive big time. Our texting started to dwindle a little bit and I could see something was up. So being the stubborn girl I am I thought ‘no way am I chasing you buddy!’ and I spent an entire week thinking this guy wasn’t into me and it all just seemed a little off. My poor bestie had to listen to countless hours of me making up scenarios or possible what ifs and all in all it was a mental head fuck and I was left thinking, is this even worth my time when it’s so early on?…….
Which brings me to the point of red flags.
A red flag is something that doesn’t feel right to you. It can be something they’ve said or their behaviour. When you start seeing someone you have those beautiful love goggles on and you think ‘this person is amazing, they are so perfect for me’. But in reality, you could be ignoring some major red flags and there’s nothing like hindsight to make you see them. It’s really important to understand who you are and what you are looking for in a person you want date.
If you are anything like me who loves to work out, eat healthy, be in bed by 9pm, get up early on the weekend and hit up a café for breakfast followed by a trip to the farmers market……. then someone who drinks and parties non-stop may not be for you (bearing in mind being a drunk persons chaperone every weekend is just as tiring as being on a bender). So maybe that’s a flag you would need to analyse.
Or the guy that makes you feel like you are 100% in a relationship but is still hitting up Tinder or Bumble and texting his side chick, again maybe that’s a flag.. No one wants to be any bodies fool. Or maybe that person that’s clinging on to something that really isn’t worth their time or energy.
Dating is about taking time, time to get to know each other.
There is no need to rush and there seems to be a lot of rushing, a lot of people that are really pushing to lock you down, like we are on some sort of time frame.
I know I am a catch. I will give them that. But after one date…. talking to me about moving to another state with them for work isn’t going to work for me. Constantly discussing their bitter break up but insisting they are truly over it or even the person that that sends you borderline abusive texts all because you needed to reschedule a date. These are all red flags!
They are easy to see early on if you understand what it is you are looking for in someone you want to date. And look, there is nothing wrong with being head over heels for someone, its lovely ….. I am all for love!
But if you are dating someone or even just hooking up and that person is displaying or saying some things that make you feel unworthy, confused, mentally drained or like they are playing games my advice is to give it three days. Take some time out and think ‘is this person enriching my life or draining me?’ I recently took a step back and thought, if this person wants me in their life then they will show me.
Sometimes they show you by not ever texting you again or they think, ‘hmmm I haven’t heard from blah blah for a while, I will send her a text’.
People will always show you their red flags, you just have to really look at how they treat you, speak to you and make you feel.
Always trust your gut.
Ps. enjoy these screen shots from an ex red flag.
Happy dating !!