thoughts, blogging

Alarm Clock

Do you ever feel like an internal alarm has gone off in your brain and suddenly things need to happen?

Recently I have been feeling this overwhelming desire to be a wife, don’t ask me where it came from it has just started. I have wonderful parents who have been married for over 30 years, they are great role models for marriage to me, but I have never ever felt a need to be married. I always viewed marriage as a piece of paper that was the only thing separating the married from unmarried couples… but now it’s as if a switch in my brain has gone off and I want it. Now for starters I am aware that you need to have a willing participant to join you in the marriage and from what I hear it takes a lot of work….

I have heard that we as females (and males too) do get that desire to have a baby. A lot of my friends are currently feeling that alarm clock go off. It makes me think are some of us programmed to want marriage and babies?

I was recently speaking to a male friend of mine whose just turned 40, I asked him if he thinks about marriage. To be honest, being a male I expected him to say no but he surprised me and said, ‘More than I care to admit’. With that response I thought, shit…. maybe we are all thinking about it. He is single and doesn’t have any children, we spoke about his desire to have a wife and children but he is facing the reality that it may not happen for him.

I know in our society we always think it’s the women who want these things, that we have this ticking clock and then we become ‘clucky’. Urgh I detest that word, I think it is really disgusting when you show the slightest interest in a child and people say ‘oh watch out, someone’s clucky’ – like no, fuck off Lynn, I am not! I am holding my nephew who I helped scoop his poo out of the bath the day before so I am good thanks. (that is a true story by the way, it stank rank, but I love that kid).

Anyway as I was saying, do we have an inbuilt desire for things we never really thought we wanted? Is it due to growth, love, loneliness, impatience, security…what makes it go off? I know for me it just hit me one day and I thought ‘Oh, how I would love to be a wife’ and don’t worry I am not going to advertise that to every man I know ….because I am sure that really attracts them… they are very quick to call us ‘crazy’ aren’t they.

I guess it just makes me think that we are all going through life and some of us are facing the reality of wanting things, which we might really want but it might not be in our control to have. It makes me wonder if we all have an inbuilt alarm clock that goes off inside of us, perfectly suited for each and every one of us, and then we start living our life accordingly. All of our thoughts are then a result of this alarm clock that went off say 4 months ago saying ‘time to find a husband or time to have baby number one’.

I think – nothing stays the same and life changes, but let’s change in the direction we want it to go. It might not be on everybody else’s time but it’s on ours and that’s OK. So when you feel that alarm clock going off it’s OK, you don’t have to spring up and frantically run around…you can just notice it, acknowledge it’s going off, but don’t let it consume you. Keep making choices to take steps in the directions you want to go.

G.S xx

Advertisements